Like the famous quote goes, “words are more powerful than the sword“. It is always what we speak, creates or ruin relationships, especially a marriage. How we speak often reflects our character, but at the same time, it affects our connection with the one we are speaking to.
Marriages are one such connection that is beyond eternity and one of the most sacred ones too. It might seem alright and obvious or a mock to us but the counterpart might get hurt with what we said. It’s fine that when we are comfortable with the person especially our spouse, we don’t think much before speaking out.
But coming across various couples and sailing through 775 days of Powerful Marriage of mine, here I want you all to stay away from following phrases. I will explain too why these are not appropriate for the feelings of your spouse!
“You’re not the same anymore”
Hey hey, hold on! Did you just say that? And when your spouse felt bad, did you say you were just joking?
Well, out of all that your spouse has done or is doing for you and your family – he/she is the outcome of that dedication and work.
If you have said it in physical appearance context – he/she may be working day-night to meet the needs of you and your family.
If you have said it in emotional or mental context – he/she may be done with too much of past happenings.
Remember this marriage is a workshop with loads of ups and downs, and not always we can be the same, not even YOU!
“You’re so fat” (“You eat so much” / “Can’t you eat less?” / “How much will you eat?” etc.. etc.. )
This phrase is too devastating for your spouse, even if you feel you just joked about it. In reality, it is a sort of humiliation and mental abuse. These statements lower the self-esteem of your spouse and hurt deeper than the weighing scale. It is a mental abuse because every time your spouse steps out the room, he/she would be over-conscious about the looks. He/she may also feel less loved due to the fact that you find him/her less attractive.
“You don’t have a dressing sense” [after X years of marriage??]
Well, not always in the entire life span can each one dress up perfectly. Even the fashionistas have their lows. And before saying such a thing, when was the last you complimented your spouse? Did you say he looked handsome or she looked gorgeous when he/she did?
Mark it not to generalize!
“I never loved you”
I never loved you is not just harmful for the past memories or intimacy but it also ruptures the future. believe me, this has a deep scar on your spouse. He/she will start having trust issues remembering your intimate moments or some loving words you said in the past. Oops! how do you even think your spouse will react in future?
“If you had brains…”
Have you been saying this off late? No, no this is not a phrase. This is a stabbing jab! You might apologize later to say that you didn’t mean to hurt, but the harm is already done.. hard! Think before using such jabs or some equivalents like “You’re so stupid”, “Wish you would have been educated”, “You are so slow”.
“You can’t do it”
Never underestimate the power of your spouse. He/she might seem vulnerable to things or situations in your marriage but somewhere in their heart they too have the power. Your “you can’t do it” will make them feel weaker. Their vulnerability will affect their emotions too.
“You are not like my mom/dad”
We all are reflections of our parents, our upbringing, aren’t we? If you do not connect well with the parents of your spouse and see your spouse reflect few characteristics of them, still please do not ever say this phrase. If the behavior like anger or stubbornness or any other needs improvement, tell them in a better way what can be done to be happier. But comparing and criticizing is a big No!
Have a cheerful married life, after all love was your choice!