When is the right time to have a baby?

When is the right time to have a baby?

Are you married? The next big question is ” When is the right time to have a baby?” Read this blog to know more.

Hi Mom, how are you doing? I wanted to talk to you regarding something.”

Shreya sounded anxious that rose her mother-in-law’s heartbeat.

Yes Shreya, tell me. Is Vivek alright?” Her mother-in-law asked.

Shreya broke down and said in a shaken tone, “Mom, Vivek is fine. I wanted to tell you that nothing is right between us. We are not getting along well with each other these days..”

Her mother-in-law interrupted her in between, “What do you mean by not getting along well with each other these days? Every husband and wife have issues, they fight and then everything gets normal. Why is it troubling you so much? You, kids these days get impatient and give up so easily.”

By this time Shreya realized that this conversation was a backfire of taunts on herself. There was a deep, intense silence.

Shreya thought of every situation she was going through. Her cries were not as a sign of weakness, it was just bursting out of the pain she held in her heart. 

After a gap, she broke the silence, “Mom, I have been patient throughout. But Vivek is not the life I wanted for me. He has no career right now, nor does he try anytime. I have been working day in day out to make things work. He takes away half of my salary and spends on partying with his friends.

If I object, he slaps me as if am a slave, rather I am the man of the house. Every day he demands of unusual ways of intimacy, even if I am not comfortable, he forces me to do accordingly. Else again his thrashing.

After the tiring day, when I come back home, he is fussy of one or the other thing. 

I tried to discuss it with him so many times, every time he apologizes and the next moment, he becomes the same person. I can’t deal with him anymore now. So, I have decided to divorce him.”

Shreya was choked. She recalled every misery she has been through. Each passing day brought a new challenge and she had dealt with it. But enough is enough. Prior to this call, she thought of talking to her own parents. But the trouble was due to Vivek and his parents needed to know what he is doing.

She asked, “Mom, are listening to me?” She was restless to know her perception over this matter of her life. 

Vivek’s mother cleared off her voice and uttered, “Shreya, men are like this only. It is all your fault; I have been asking you to have a baby since 1st day of your marriage. But you never listen to me. And see it has been more than 3 years since your marriage. Had you both had a baby, Vivek would have become responsible and mature. 

You too would have not paid much attention to Vivek’s some of the harsh words, because you would be busy with the baby.

The best solution to this situation is that you both have a baby now. We all will be happy”

Shreya could not believe what she just heard. Was it coming from a woman? Is it how woman support woman these days? Or is she still that primitive?

Shreya became so annoyed that her voice tone became fierce, “After listening to my pain, is this what you have to say? You know what, now I understand why is Vivek so male chauvinist, because he has grown up in such atmosphere. How will the baby make him more responsible? Rather I will be burdened with more financial, physical and mental pressure.

Right now, it is just me who is struggling and after that there will be one more little soul who will have to struggle. Is this what you all want? 

Thank you for clearing my ambiguity and guilt. Now, am sure and confident that I need a divorce.”

Shreya hung up the phone and burst out in loud cries. She wept and shouted until her mind settled. 

Shreya sounded anxious that rose her mother-in-law’s heartbeat.

Yes Shreya, tell me. Is Vivek alright?” Her mother-in-law asked.

Shreya broke down and said in a shaken tone, “Mom, Vivek is fine. I wanted to tell you that nothing is right between us. We are not getting along well with each other these days..”

Her mother-in-law interrupted her in between, “What do you mean by not getting along well with each other these days? Every husband and wife have issues, they fight and then everything gets normal. Why is it troubling you so much? You, kids these days get impatient and give up so easily.”

By this time Shreya realized that this conversation was a backfire of taunts on herself. There was a deep, intense silence.

Shreya thought of every situation she was going through. Her cries were not as a sign of weakness, it was just bursting out of the pain she held in her heart. 

After a gap, she broke the silence, “Mom, I have been patient throughout. But Vivek is not the life I wanted for me. He has no career right now, nor does he try anytime. I have been working day in day out to make things work. He takes away half of my salary and spends on partying with his friends.

If I object, he slaps me as if am a slave, rather I am the man of the house. Every day he demands of unusual ways of intimacy, even if I am not comfortable, he forces me to do accordingly. Else again his thrashing.

After the tiring day, when I come back home, he is fussy of one or the other thing. 

I tried to discuss it with him so many times, every time he apologizes and the next moment, he becomes the same person. I can’t deal with him anymore now. So, I have decided to divorce him.”

Shreya was choked. She recalled every misery she has been through. Each passing day brought a new challenge and she had dealt with it. But enough is enough. Prior to this call, she thought of talking to her own parents. But the trouble was due to Vivek and his parents needed to know what he is doing.

She asked, “Mom, are listening to me?” She was restless to know her perception over this matter of her life. 

Vivek’s mother cleared off her voice and uttered, “Shreya, men are like this only. It is all your fault; I have been asking you to have a baby since 1st day of your marriage. But you never listen to me. And see it has been more than 3 years since your marriage. Had you both had a baby, Vivek would have become responsible and mature. 

You too would have not paid much attention to Vivek’s some of the harsh words, because you would be busy with the baby.

The best solution to this situation is that you both have a baby now. We all will be happy”

Shreya could not believe what she just heard. Was it coming from a woman? Is it how woman support woman these days? Or is she still that primitive?

Shreya became so annoyed that her voice tone became fierce, “After listening to my pain, is this what you have to say? You know what, now I understand why is Vivek so male chauvinist, because he has grown up in such atmosphere. How will the baby make him more responsible? Rather I will be burdened with more financial, physical and mental pressure.

Right now, it is just me who is struggling and after that there will be one more little soul who will have to struggle. Is this what you all want? 

Thank you for clearing my ambiguity and guilt. Now, am sure and confident that I need a divorce.”

Shreya hung up the phone and burst out in loud cries. She wept and shouted until her mind settled. 

Was it right what Shreya did or was her mother-in-law right? When is the right time to have a baby for any couple?

This is a very common social issue all around. There is this idea that exists all around the society that a baby will resolve all the marital issues if any, or the baby will bring in luck charm for financial growth, or the baby will make the couple more responsible. But the question is, why does a baby have a job much before its arrival? 

A baby is a sign of happiness and completeness. Their little shoulders are not the ones to be borne with such societal expectations. 

And the harsh reality is in none of the cases have ever a baby fulfilled such expectations because this idea is simply barbarous. 

If the couple is not ready, this pressure of procreation just worsens the situation and nothing that one can deal with. Parenthood is not easy. The couple gets cuffed into the pressure of upbringing the kid and start ignoring their own relationship, accepting every harsh reality. But doesn’t it harm the baby’s life too?

Parenthood is not a resolution to improve relationships. It must be surreal and there should be too much of love and acceptance for the baby to arrive. 

It’s not the right time.

The couple should plan a baby only when they are happy about bringing a life they wish to nurture with all their heart. Societal pressures and preaches will last long. Every couple goes through it.

The day they are married, the entire universe is bothered about just one question – when will you have the baby? 

Why not give some space of thought to the couple? Let them handle their own relationship first, then only they can develop a healthy relation with the newborn.

We have crossed 2 decades of 21st century and it is high time now. 

Their should be no selfish task appointed to the baby before its planning. Because if the child fails to do so, which happens mostly, it has to bear the consequences of a toxic relationship. Read How to handle a toxic relationship.

No child wishes to see fighting parents, a yelling parent, a broken childhood, an ever-sad parent or even worse, an unhealthy home. 

Can we please change our notion of forcing couples to have a baby and rather start focusing on the well-being of their bond? “Oh, you are turning 30, have a baby”, “You both have issues with each other, have a baby it will do magic”, “You both are in financial stress and focusing on your career, have a baby it will bring good fortune”, “Your parents live alone, have a baby for them to be entertained”, “

After 30 you will have lots of problem, Sharma’s daughter-in-law also did not listen and is now going through medical treatments”, “So and so has delivered 2nd baby, now you also have a baby”, “All the relatives and friends ask me when you both will have a baby and I don’t have answers, so have a baby”, “He doesn’t give time to you don’t worry, have a baby he will stay at home only” etc etc etc…

A married couple is not a teenager, stop advising them when is the right time to have a baby. Having a baby changes your world completely. Specially the initial 4-5 years of upbringing the child is exhaustive. Couples need to absorb this. With the baby comes countless changes.

The ways of parenting might differ, on some days there might be hormonal issues, sometimes the couple don’t find time to express and talk to each other and many such things and on some days the overhead financial crunches might create tensions. 

So, when the entire dealing with parenthood depends upon the couple, can we stop suggesting or rather being satirical to couples about the right time to be parents?